We know that human relationships can be very challenging and difficult. Especially when there’s a conflict with that person whom on one day we decided to have by our side for the rest of our days. Day by day the relationship can wear you down, and a worn out coexistence can open new wounds or maintain old pains. My husband calls me fat, have you ever heard this complaint? Maybe from coworkers? Friends? Or worse… Has this happened to you?
When it comes to body and self-esteem, there are a few things you need to understand so you don’t get carried away by criticism and feel ugly and discouraged. Follow the ideas and discover the importance of adopting a more compassionate attitude within yourself.
What does it mean to be fat?
First of all, it’s important that you ask yourself: Do I actually think I’m fat? We live in a society that gives great value to the slim, lean, slender, toned body. There’s a lot of media appeal about the idealization of thinness and we are constantly exposed to the images of unattainable models of perfection. Because of all this exposure, our eyes become accustomed to a referential of “normality” that doesn’t correspond to the true appearance of human bodies.
Considering the current definitions of a desirable body… It’s not hard to be “fat”, isn’t it?
The fact that your body doesn’t look like those of models and celebrities doesn’t mean that you’re fat… It only highlights the fact that they are too thin.
What’s your story?
At this point, you might say, “Okay, I’m not that overweight, but even so, my husband calls me fat!” Consider this: is it really so damnable to put on weight?
No one changes their weight “out of the blue”. Everybody who gets fat has a story. Weight gain is a long-term process that can occur for many reasons: stress at work, depression, mourning, menopause, city change, emotional problems… None of this is error, crime, failure, or shame!
What would you say to a close friend who was feeling bad about getting fat? The same things you say to yourself? Haven’t you ever been very self-critical?
Is being fat that bad?
Even if you understand that weight gain is for a reason, you may feel that being fat is the worst thing in the world, something you didn’t want to happen.
Why? Have you ever wondered?
Negative moral characteristics are often attributed with a fat body. The problem is not being fat, the problem is the bad things that come in the package: lazy, undisciplined, negligent…
But isn’t all of this just a stereotype?
Make a list of your talents and accomplishments. What do you do best? What makes you unique? Would a lazy person be able to achieve the same things?
Understand that all the heavy and offensive cargo around the word “fat” is just lies that have been told so many times that we come to believe them. Being fat is just a physical characteristic. Nothing else!
Change for yourself!
Before committing to a radical diet or weight loss program, understand that the solution to the problem is not in weight loss. If you don’t learn to treat yourself with more love, respect, and kindness, lost pounds will make very little difference.
My husband calls me fat, what do I do?
Talk to your husband about how hurt you are. Be assertive. Respect yourself and understand that there is nothing wrong with your body.
Words can hurt us only when we allow them to.
How about learning my Sophie Effect method, which teaches you to transform your relationship with food and to listen to your body’s signals again? It includes six weeks of videos and materials that will explain eating habits, and how you can regain the pleasure of eating. Check it out!
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About the Author:
Paola Altheia is a Dietitian, who graduated from the Federal University of Paraná (UFPR) and a specialist in food behavior. She’s the editor of the blog: I’m Not An Exhibition. She believes that people today have very misguided and erroneous ideas about diet and weight management. Her mission is to demystify beliefs and promote a more lucid and gentle way of thinking about health, with a focus on self-esteem, health, and the rescue of femininity.